I’ve got a lot on my mind these days.
First and foremost is getting back into a routine. I thrive with routine. I need to schedule writing, painting, exercise, employment, housework, and downtime. If I don’t schedule it, nothing will get done. I no longer have the excuse of full-time employment.
I have already scheduled certain things on certain days. Tuesdays are for graphic arts and crafts and Thursdays are for writing. Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturday afternoons, and Sundays are for cooking, meal prep, and any housework that needs doing. Laundry days are the days the laundry baskets are full. So I have a rough outline of a schedule.
I also need a routine for exercise. With my new part-time job comes a gym membership. I’m excited to start the 3-week challenge. I’m sure I will extend it to the full 6-week challenge. And once I am settled into the routine of classes there, I will continue it. I’m really looking forward to it. I would love to build my lung strength back up and start running again. I miss running. I dream about running.
Thinking about my new job at the boxing gym makes me wonder more about my next steps in employment.
Currently, I work only 16 hours a week, which leaves a lot of room for another part-time job. However, if I had two jobs, I could very easily begin suffering from medical burnout again. And when would I have time for creativity and exercise? Do I just resign myself to being working poor? This leads me to wonder what to do about school.
I chose an associate’s degree in social work because I’m good at psychology. But maybe I would be better suited in a different area. Also, if I work full-time or two part-time jobs, I can only take one class at a time. It would take forever and leave little room for extracurriculars like creativity and exercise. I wonder if I should jump right back into a math class or go with a class in which I am more of a natural.
Decisions, decisions, decisions. Of course, all of these musings give me anxiety.
During the height of my burnout, I thought HARD (I’m still thinking hard, actually) about selling this house and traveling to somewhere where it is very inexpensive to live. My mind takes me immediately to S.E. Asia. I could teach English anywhere.
I think I could go for three to six months, come back and work here, and return again. Or, I could just be an expat wherever and never come back.
Keith, recognizing that I am struggling, has been working very hard to bring cheer into our home. It has been a bah humbug, Grinch-y season for me. Knowing what a Grinch I am, Keith brought me some kisses.
He also brought home a gingerbread house for us to decorate.
Pay special attention to the front door, please.
We had a lot of fun decorating it.
The frosted circus animal cookies look like goats with floppy kid syndrome. I think they’re supposed to be camels. I eventually added a horse and a ram to the farm animals. Keith’s attempts to bring cheer and Christmas spirit (I just threw up in my mouth a little) really make me feel appreciated. I see him trying new things.
On Tuesday, December 24, I took the scheduled “painting” portion of the day and painted my leftover math homework in x-mass-y colors and wrapped Keith’s present. Pictured below it is the biggest box with the red xmas tree. The wrapping paper tree got more decorated as the day went on. So: Painint Tuesday - check! Writing Thursday - check!
My mom brought over some chocolate penguins and a blender kit. I love the blender kit. I really really wanted an immersion blender for my soups and sauces. And a small one for my protein smoothies.
It all ties together.
Overall, I am feeling pretty grateful at this moment in time.
I am still worried about my health, but I think it will fall into place as time goes on. OH! Last I wrote here, I was worried about insurance etc. I got Medicaid all set up. The pharmacy fucked me over a bit right before Christmas and I am out of my thyroid medication. But the specialty pharmacy has my injections coming for the cholesterol. All I need to do now is go get fasting blood drawn and another chest CT. I received a note from my doctor reminding me to schedule it. I also need to reschedule with my radiation oncologist and some nerve testing for the muscle cramps I keep getting.
As my mom said when I told her I quit my job, I am resilient. I still wish I didn’t have to be, but I am. I will survive another week to write again.
Until then: Keep Arting!
I love that Keith is being so good to you. I love that you are flourishing in your new job. I will put you in touch with a friend who has taught English in South Korea for a long time and can tell you what is has been like for her.