I was discussing a fraught relationship with some coworkers the other day. I described the situation and voiced my feelings about it. The next day I responded to a question with, “I’m still mad about it.”
After listening, very briefly, one of my coworkers responded with, “You have to give them some grace.”
My response is always the same when I hear this. Why do I have to give them grace without receiving grace in return?
Which leads me to question who really deserves grace? Does everyone deserve grace? We all have our issues. We all have stress and life and responsibilities. We all have family (don’t get me started on family and the giving of grace).Why do they, whoever they may be, deserve grace more than me? Or anyone?
Due to the way my brain works, these questions lead me down semantic rabbit holes.
Merriam-Webster defines deserve as to be worthy, fit, or suitable for some reward or requital. It is synonymous with merit.
Oxford Languages defines grace in many ways. The top three are:
Simple elegance or refinement of movement
Courteous goodwill
In Christianity, free unmerited favor of God as manifested in the salvation of sinners and bestowal of blessings.
Definition number three is what I believe most people who say, “You have to give them some grace” really mean. Essentially they are saying be (Christian) God-like. Absolve those who do not deserve it. Bless those who do.
These are the same people, I’ve found, who say forgiveness is for you, not the person you are forgiving.
I’ve never been great at forgiving or absolving. I’ve never been great at being a Christian or imitating any of the known Gods. My brief stint in a Buddhist monastery came with the ability to bestow (Buddhist) blessings (which consist of tying some string around the blessee’s wrist and reciting the blessing). But The Buddha is not actually considered a God. So, again, not very God-like behavior.
I guess the answer to my question “Who deserves Grace?” is “nobody.” Because Grace is something unmerited or undeserved. It is also manifested as salvation. I can barely “save” myself, let alone anyone else!
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Until next time, keep on arting.
You give people grace when they make a mistake, not when they are intentionally harmful. And it is okay to stay mad about a wrong done to you or someone you care about. Do not listen to the false positivity people.